Quick blurb before I start the actual post: I am leaving for Philadelphia and Boston tonight, so I wanted to leave you all with a blog post whilst I'm gone. I won't be taking my computer with me, so chances are I wont be able to blog while I am away. Now, on with the post.
So, I know in my last few posts I've mentioned that I finally am home or feel at home. Some of you may be confused by this and wondering "Haven't you been home for the last year?". Yes and no. I've been home in the sense that I have been in the place where I grew up. I have not been home in the sense that, until recently, I didn't feel like I belonged in the place where I grew up.
The last year has not been easy for me. The transition from college life to post-graduate life was a difficult one, as I expected it to be. I was in a constant state of Domesickness and wanted to go back to the life I had known and come to love within the last four years so badly. I missed that life so much that I was driven to write poems about it.
Upon coming back from college, I had few friends here and everything felt like it had changed. I was lonely and didn't feel like I had a community or family that I belonged to. For months, I felt like an outsider in the church where I grew up and very often had to hold back tears during mass. I became really good at plastering on that fake smile and acting like my life was fine and dandy. Despite my best efforts joining small faith groups and RISE (the young adult group at my church), I still did not feel like I was at home. I pretty much felt like a perpetual visitor.
Slowly things began to change. The first time I felt truly satisfied and happy with something I had done was when my church put on a Christmas party for the homeless in our community who would otherwise not be able to have a Christmas. After that event was the moment that I decided to become more active in youth ministry. The kids responded to me well and I felt good. Good, but not great. I didn't feel great because I still didn't know some of the older high school kids and I kind of felt like a bit of a misfit. Of course, that could have been due to my introversion and not fully immersing myself into their world. When the time for the most recent retreat came, I was nervous but decided to fully immerse myself into every single activity that the kids did. That turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have made. It didn't matter whether it was a small group discussion, game, or wild dance party, I put all my energy into that activity.
It has been a month since that retreat and I feel like life is amazing. Pre-retreat, life was good but I felt like I was just going through the motions of my day-to-day routine. I love everything that I do. I feel closer to all the kids at youth ministry. Some might say, "Why are you hanging out with junior high and high school kids?". My response to that is because I love them and I see myself as a mentor to them, especially to the younger kids.
Tonight, on my red-eye flight to Philadelphia, I will be donning the Retweet the Retreat t-shirt. To Gen 1 Youth Ministry: I will miss you all while I'm away and I look forward to seeing you all when I get back. Thanks for making me feel at home
